My Stupid Mouth
by scullyseviltwin
Summary: Josh, of course, makes a mistake. Donna wonders how to fix it and ends up getting advice from two very... interesting people.
1. Default Chapter

Title: My Stupid Mouth

Author: ScullyAsTrinity

Category: Romance/Angst

Rating: PG

Dedication: To a new West Wing pal, Karen, whose series 'Bipartisanship' is just too cute for words! Rock on!!

Spoilers: Anything with Amy really.

Summary: A prequel to make a stand alone story I wrote make more sense. The REAL story will follow it in chapter form. Here, Josh says something that Donna doesn't exactly react well to.

---

And I've gone and done it once again. It was one of those moments, you know? When you say something and want nothing more than to snatch it back and force it back down your throat?

Well, when I had realized that that was indeed what I had wanted to do, I had fumbled and lost the chance, and Donna had bounded out of my hotel room, blonde hair all a-flurry.

Yes. It was a-flurry.

'What did I say?' you ask. Oh, that's just, that's just peachy. Make me relive it. Well...

As per usual, Donna was sharing with me a story about how she had met a wonderful man on the Metro that morning and how they had bantered, how they had flirted, how he had given her his number and coyly told her to call. She was blushing, she was excited and she was downright cute.

I was jealous.

But this time, this time I told myself that I had to hold it back. That I couldn't lash out at her, that I couldn't make my feelings know, in any sense whatsoever. So yes, I Joshua Lyman, master of the witty quip, bit my tongue and smiled. This only fueled Donna's fire and she went on to chat about how she was sure that this might be the one guy, because she had just watched 'Serendipity' and was noting all of the similarities between the two situations.

I had to jump in! I had to! You can't be surprised, you know I had to do it, that it's in my blood... for some off reason.

And that, this... whatever is where we join in the story.

"Except one is fiction and one is... well both are fiction." I said, under my breath, grinning like a fool at my wit, at my slyness... at my-wait. Wait, what? I said that out loud? Loud... out loud, which meant that she heard it which meant.

"What?" She asked me, her head whipping around, licking her lips and placing her hands defiantly on her hips.

"I-um, oh fuck. I really like that sweater." The words choked in my throat, I felt so incredibly stupid, but just couldn't help myself. I swear, if I'm ever given a second chance, I'm never speaking up again. Ever.

"Josh, what the hell is that supposed to mean." And then, then, the color flooded into her cheeks and her nose scrunched up and... she was pissed. Like really pissed. Like "May I get you a cup of coffee Mister Lyman" pissed. And yes, I visibly bit my lip, plopped myself on the bed and gave her the upper hand. What else was I to do?

"Fiction? I don't... I just... my dreams... no, too cheesy, hold on!" Donna then put a hand to her head and paced around a bit. The light from the sun lit her hair in a million different colors and I felt the need to frantically search the floor for my comment and chew it up and supplant myself to her, just then in that moment.

"He. Wants. Me, Josh. He hit on me, not the other way around. And it was perfectly respectable. A suit, and a tie, and, and a briefcase. He was reading Josh. He caught my eye while he was reading. Do you know what he was reading Josh? He was reading Dante, Joshua. Dante." She spun around once more then, facing the window and biting on her thumb.

"And he caught me smiling at him, because in my head I was thinking of the words 'Abandon all hope ye who enter here' being posted over the door of your office... and he smiled back." And yes, I was listening, though I had my head down. She spoke again and she was much closer, standing right next to me.

"I smiled at him while I was thinking of you and he gave me his number." She smiled a bit and looked distant and my walls finally crumbled. I stood up, I stood next to her.

So close that I could feel the warmth cascading off of her body. But she just turned away.

"You know what?" She asked, backing away from me and grabbing the coat that she had discarded on my easy chair. Then she was gone.

Me and my stupid mouth.


	2. New York, New York

Title: New York, New York

Author: ScullyAsTrinity

Category: Humor/Romance/Crossover

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I own none of them. I can't write good comedy. ;-D

Dedication: Really, to my Krisela. And to my Dani and Aiah. Both in London... being fabulous.

Summary: Donna runs into some people in a bar that change her perspective on things.

The young blonde sipped her drink. It was strong, cold and just what she needed at that particular moment. The liquor was hard, the atmosphere dank inside the New York bar. Fitting, it fit her mood.

They were in New York, a campaign stop. One of many, to be exact and she had once again been saddled to her boss. But not in a good way.

See, Joshua Lyman was clear cut. There was no in between. You either loved him or hated him, at that particular moment, she hated him more than Bartlet hated Ritchie. In fact, her anger was comparable to the passion of a thousand suns, so she had decided to use her personal time wisely:

She was going to get drunk. Thoroughly drunk. In the middle of the day. It was an acceptable scenario in her head. After all, Toby was allowed to get plastered just about whenever he felt the need, so she figured her one trip to a bar while on the clock would fly under the radar.

As she reached the bar, however, she didn't care if the President himself walked in and saw her doing body shots off of the Malaysian drag queen in the corner.

It was that kind of day.

Amy had decided to accompany the group to New York in an attempt to rally female supporters in order to have them rally other females who were undecided. Donna felt like doing some rallying herself when she had found out. As if her mood hadn't been thoroughly dampened by Amy infesting the Big Apple with them, Josh was all a tingle. He was smiling, making attempts at being coy and witty...

And when Amy had arrived, she had forced her bags on Donna and left in pursuit of her Joshua. It took all of the will power of her position not to simply walk outside and trade her luggage to the homeless man on the corner for his beanie cap.

Once seated at the bar she realized that that was why she loved New York. A man in a beanie... standing on the corner. A man in a beanie, standing on the corner screaming about democracy and aliens. Such freedom. Ah New York.

Ah America, the scent of freedom seemed to be urine and dust and wound its way up inside her nose so that her only alternative to the strange scent was to order a drink, a stiff one. Feeling bold, she sat down on a stool at the bar and stroked the dark wood of the bar once, twice, until the barman walked over and took her order.

Martini, extra dry.

With three olives, because she hadn't had lunch yet.

Donna stretched and began to get comfortable. She didn't go to bars solo much and was feeling a bit off of her game. Turning in the swirly stool, she checked out her surrounding. The establishment reminded her of the twenties and she suddenly found herself thinking of gangsters smoking illegal cigars and women showing a bit of thigh, trying to be come hither in their flapper dressed.

She wished it were that easy, show Josh a bit of her skin and knock him on his ass. But that wasn't how it was. So she wiped her boss of off her already crowded mind and took in her surroundings.

The interior was chic but simple and natural and she felt as if she could blend in with the mahogany and be wiped away by the bartender's rag. Thinking of the man, she looked up and summoned him over, ordered another martini before she drained the first, and turned back to the bar.

A man had come in and sat next to her while she had been lost in her reverie. She eyed the man slyly, turning her head quickly and taking in his appearance. A moment later the bartender brought her drink and she smiled at him, earning herself a smile in return. Donna sat back, sighed and sipped her vodka and vermouth. Feeling the man to her right looking at her, so she turned and met his eyes.

The both giggled nervously and looked away.

He cleared his throat and sat up straight, popped a few peanut into his mouth. Finally, he spoke, his excitement evident in his tone.

"You're hair is fabulous, like Brittany's but with more moisture. Who does your color? I'm considering getting highlights." The man asked, his hands flipping his brown hair and then coming to frame his face framing his boyish face.

"Who says my hair isn't real." Donna would have been offended had she not immediately realized that the question was a compliment, coming from a wonderfully gay man.

"Oh, I believe the blonde thing, but not that blonde hun. But it suits you, it suits you." He smiled at her, his teeth devastatingly white and his hair impeccably coifed. Donna smiled and sipped on her drink coyly. "But anyway, with the quiet. Man troubles? Women troubles?" He seemed to get excited mentioning that but moved on. "Man/woman troubles? Hey there, Long Island iced tea and your number. Kidding, kidding. Just the drink unless..."

The bartender raised his brow and walked away, leaving the man to his new female companion. She swept the hair out her eyes and turned to him. She extended her perfectly manicured hand to him. "I'm Donna Moss, Donnatella." Her lips curled into a smile as she waited for her companion to introduce himself.

"Donnatella? Intriguing, kind of like... Madonna! Oh, I'm Jack." The man perked up, his super shiny eyes sparking more in the dull light. "Just, just Jack." He said and giggled slightly. He reminded her of a four year old with attention deficit disorder. He made a move to bring his hands up in front of his face but stopped when his drink was placed in front of him and he thanked the man profusely for delivering it.

"Uh, hi just Jack. What brings you to a bar at..." She checked her watch. "Four-thirty in the afternoon?"

"Oh, ha. Not here alone. I'm with a colleague. I'm a lawyer. She's in the bathroom." He said and smiled and attempted to turn the bartender on by batting his eyelashes at him and sipping his drink in a come hither manner.

"A lawyer? Here in New York? Which firm?" Donna asked, seeing through his guise but urging him on for fun.

"Oh, you know... Midler, Minelli and... Streisand." He lost himself in his own thought for a moment, mouthed something to himself, licked his finger pointed in the air. He laughed and smiled and returned to his new friend.

"Clever." Donna replied, uninterested. Her face sunk a tad more then it already was. Donna finished off her martini while Jack studied her a bit and sipped his girl drink.

"Okay honey, bigger glass... nope, bigger glass. Honey, just put it in a mug, There ya go." The small brunette woman took a seat haphazardly next to Jack. She sighed once, sighed again louder and finally had enough. "I asked for a martini, not a meal. What's taking so long?" She sulked on the stool and then noticed the blonde that was sitting next to him.

"What's going on, what are you doing, who's this?" She said, perking up, her head bobbing from side to side happily and yet distractedly.

"Karen." Jack said, placing his hand out girlishly on his knees. "This is Donnatella. Donna-TELLA." Jack said and smiled girlishly. He turned back to Karen quickly. "She is fab-u-lous!" He said to his friend, placing his hand up between them as a barrier. The brunette rolled her eyes and Donna sank back down into her drink.

"Donna, this is my associate," Jack turned to the woman quickly and faced Donna once more with a sickening smile. "Karen Walker."

"Associate honey. No, no." Karen tilted her head and chugged a bit of her martini. "I'm his sugar daddy." A high-pitched laugh followed her sub par joke and she sank back down into the depths of her vodka. Donna cracked a slight smile and admired the pair for a moment.

"So really, what do you guys do?" She asked, her interest suddenly piqued. The olive in her glass was swirled and then brought to her lips as an afterthought. She sucked the salt out of it and chewed it deliberately. When they didn't answer she quirked an eyebrow to urge them on.

"Well, he's... he's a queen... and well, I'm a queen too!" She laughed again and drank the last dregs of her drink. "Bartender, and stiffer. I'm talking corpse honey. Good boy."

"What about you honey? What do you do? I can tell you're not from around here... but you do wreak of corruption..." Karen pointed Donna up and down and raised a brow. "D.C.?"

"Right you are." She responded, somewhat surprised. Donna swiveled in her stool to face the others. "Good guess. Yes, I work in Washington, but possibly not for much longer."

"Why's that?" Jack asked. "Where in Washington by the way. Oh my god, do you work in the White House? Have you been in the Oval Office... is there really room under that desk for Monica to have... you know...?' The man eagerly awaited her reply.

"Jack, I have never had the chance, nor the inclination... to climb under the desk that belongs to the leader of the free world... and see if there was enough "head room"."

"Head! Ha! That's great!" He said, tossed his imaginary hair over his shoulder and ordered another drink.

"So, you do work for the President?" He asked eagerly, smiling and edging just slightly closer to Donna. She nodded, smiling coyly at him, and sipping her drink. Jack was intrigued. "That's FABULOUS!"

"Hmm, not as much as you think. Long days, rarely get to see your own apartment. You have to put your social life on hold and spend every. Damn. Day... with the same man." She said the words with disgust, but her eyes glazed over just a bit, as she stirred the olives distractedly in her glass.

"Wait a minute. What's that honey? What's going on? Who's this guy?" Karen asked, pointing Donna up and down, sending her eyes flying in all directions. "With the eyes... you made wistful eyes there, what's that about?" Karen looked into her purse and pulled out a pill bottle.

"There's no guy." She lied.

Jack and Karen looked at each other, laughed and turned back to Donna, faces stone serious. "No. Really." Jack said, and gave her a bored look.

"My boss, he's my boss and there's nothing there." Donna swore, looking over the rim of her glass at the two of them. They continued to stare. "Okay, he's my boss but more than my boss but anyway, he's with this woman, and he acts... gah, he acts like I mean something to him and then I'm just like... a rag doll that gets tossed aside and yeah, she's more attractive than me and has a college degree and works for the first lady... but I get him." Donna pouted and traced the edge of her martini glass with her pointer finger.

"And you're here sinking in vodka why honey?" Karen asked, her white smile gleaming. She tossed a pill into her mouth, took a sip of her drink, and looked back to Donna.

"Because I met someone and he made a crack about how my dreams are all fiction and... he's such a... a man." Donna once again sounded disgusted with herself She gulped down the rest of her drink, and put her head in her hands. "I don't get it. This has to happen... I just don't know why."

"Well, have you told him any of this?" Jack asked her, his face becoming a mask of perplex ion. Donna just looked over at him.

"Um, how do you expect him to know any of this then. Guys are so stupid. I hate that." He nodded, put a hand on her shoulder reassuringly. "They seem to like this whole, unrequited thing. It's more fun that way." Again, he nodded. "And, who's to say that this guy doesn't feel the same right? Maybe he's just shy." This time he grinned. "I like shy men, I like breaking them in."

"No, no. I'm right there all the time. I'd know. Besides, he has Amy." Donna replied.

"Well, take it as you want but keeping all of that emotion stored up is bad for skin tone." Jack pointed to the area under his eyes. "And Clinique doesn't even help."

"Botox does." Karen said flatly.

"Well, with that, I'll take my leave of you." Donna placed some bills on the counter and hopped off of the high barstool. Karen reached past Jack and handed her back her money.

"Don't worry about that honey."

Donna was taken aback a moment, but pressed the issue. "No, no. I just met you, I can't let you pay for my drinks."

"Oh I'm not paying. Ha! Melissa Rivers is!" She held up a gaudy green leather purse, and she and Jack shared a laugh. "Yeah, I nabbed it from her in Starbucks." Karen smiled enthusiastically and nodded. Jack agreed.

"That'll teach her to call Cher gaudy. Doesn't she know orange is the new pink?"

For those of you who don't watch, this was a crossover with Will&Grace. Sorry it was so random.


End file.
